◊ (This joke contains adult content) A therapist was conducting a group session with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed. To the first mother he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy.”
He turned to the second mom. “Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.” He turned to the third mom. “Your obsession is alcohol and your child’s name is Brandy.” At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, “Come on, Dick, let’s go home.”
◊ The best thing about being schizophrenic is that I’m never alone.
◊ Patient to Therapist: I can’t concentrate, one minute I’m ok, and the next minute, I’m blank. Therapist to Patient: And how long have you had this complaint? Patient to Therapist: What complaint?
◊ I told my therapist that I was talking to myself. I was surprised when she responded “That’s ok..Just hold a mobile phone by your mouth.”
◊ How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They empower it to change itself.
◊ Instead of calling 911 a patient calls his therapist and says his son swallowed a razor-blade. The therapist advices the patient to call 911 immediately. Then asked what else have you done in the meantime? The patient’s father responds “I shaved with an electric razor.”
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