Therapist to Patient: What’s your problem?
Patient to Therapist: I think I’m a chicken.
Therapist to patient: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg.
A patient goes to a therapist and says “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. You gotta help me, I ‘m going crazy.”
The therapist tells the patient “Just put yourself in my hands for two years. Come to me three times a week. And, I will cure your fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“A hundred dollars per visit.”
“I’ll sleep on it, says the patient.”
Six months later the mental health therapist met the patient on the street. “Why didn’t you ever come to see me again?”
“For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars.”
“Is that so,! How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”
How to Get Ahead In Life
▪ I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.
▪ In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
▪ I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality.
▪ I am at one with my duality.
▪ A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.
▪ Why should I spend my time reliving the past when I can worry about the future.
▪ Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.
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